| floating in sludge |
[21 Oct 2006|03:53am] |
Sometimes I hate that my heart beats. Every time it does it means hundreds are dead and I'm something special.
I was born privileged in so many ways. Sometimes I get sick at the amount of gluttony I have. I become this exo-skeleton of who I actually am. Like a cicada shell stuck to a tree for some kid to collect. Only years later would he realize how odd thousands of brown transparent bug skins really look. A world with these for currency could get interesting.
I'm too awake and too full of life for how late it is. Everyone that has to get up in the morning is asleep. I'm still here contemplating how to get into more credit card debt.
I've realized I can't write anything that means something. I can't change anyone's thoughts with my words. I can't say words that make people's hearts flutter. When I read things that do however, they always kinda make me want to kill myself.
Is that weird?
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| ! |
[19 Sep 2006|01:04am] |
All I want is for you to feel like an exclamation mark. Improper if overused, but you'd appear often in my life. You would be an all encompassing passion. It would feel as a life of it's own. You would be looked at differently from all the other punctuation who by default just do their job. You would be the heart of the author, who took the most care of you and never spoiled your use. A delicate creature he kept nearby, his finger twitching over the key to place you on paper. A smile, a plan, or simply a feeling would be the direct result of your existence. Everything would make much more sense with you making your presence all over the sheet....
....and I wish I could be the one that makes you feel this.
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| to further |
[29 Aug 2006|12:35am] |
i walked further than i ever have before. in the past week, i've accomplished every duty on my list. i've marked my skin forever. i got the internship. i spent a night on the beach being pummeled by wind with someone i love. i sculpted a heart in the sand with the intention of saving the lives of those who saw it. those who were trekking to the sea with a desire for the afterlife. a longing to see "you know, the end and shit." i formed that heart as a beacon to the broken. a lantern to the lost. scripted under it, scrawled in the sand "GO BACK...PLEASE." by morning it was washed under the tide. only two witnesses were present. the girl and the cell phone.
we made three attempts to sit on the pier. the first one thwarted by a timid yet abrasive wave. soaking everything below our torsos. we went to the restrooms to take advantage of the hand dryer, blowing hot air. attempt two introduced itself. another trip to the restroom. finally attempt three. as we sat on the pier we talked.
we told each other pieces of our past we've never told anyone else. black eyes. skin care pills. 99. fathers.
we saw a man that hopefully ends his evening on a high note at this beach everynight. at least this is the amount of comfortability he showed.
we talked about how we're both just looking for someone to love. we made jokes about that person coming out of the lake, walking up towards us, and changing everything. we're both in need of that person. it's an unspoken understanding that neither of us can be that for each other. we gagged at the couple that was joyfully arm in arm testing the waters of the lake.
i smoked 7 cigarettes on the beach. one for each day of the week i want to spend with you.
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| the phone call i wish i had |
[22 Aug 2006|01:34am] |
in the year 2046
me: hey dad
dad: jack-o
me: i love you.
dad: i love you too. i saw you sent the check last month. thats it. you're clear. you know i never expected you to get that back to me.
me: you did. and you knew i could. i didnt think itd be 20 years after you passed but yeah..i cant be owing you money and all.
dad: im just glad you were sending them to the pantry. it's what i'd have done anyway. your mom says hi. she worries about you up here. why do you work yourself so hard?
me: i know. im not working nearly as hard as you would be. get this, we've had so much funding for the children's community we've actually been able to spill a little of it over into the studio. these kids are great dad. some of the most talented ive ever worked with in my life.
dad: you never worked with willie. you couldnt say that if you worked with willie.
me: i know. i know. they just didnt like me in the country and western. but dad, the community is running perfectly. the wells are flowing. the air is clear. we've reached our first surplus in food. ive never seen so many smiling faces since the bombs stopped dropping 10 years ago.
dad: i wish i could've been there to see it. i'd have never thought that understanding could be reached that way.
me: it's all changed dad. everybody is tolerant. everybody is compassionate. everybody is loving. the wife was telling me about a murder that happened a couple of weeks ago. first one in this hemisphere in 2 years and 47 days. but you know, nothings perfect. unfortunately we have to start up our adoption program again. turns out the man had a child. can you believe it's been 3 years since we've had to do that?
dad: 3 years huh?
me: well since they passed the "no child alone" act, we havent had a need. you see families dad. you see families playing, and laughing ,and spending time together. you see healthy, nourished children dad.
dad: you know what eisenhower said.
me: i know dad.
dad: "every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,..."
me: "...signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
dad: who told you that?
me: its printed on every piece of currency in the world.
dad: what other good news do you got for me?
me: well.. i'm working on quitting smoking.
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[21 Aug 2006|02:45pm] |
Mercy unto you, and peace, and love be multiplied. Jude 1:2
if anybody needs any sort of attention, warmth, love, compassion, kindness i will be a vessel flowing.
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| pathetic |
[19 Aug 2006|04:05pm] |
i woke up at the end of the red line this morning. two cta workers jerked me back and forth.
"where you going?"
"huh..?"
"where you going kid?"
"im sorry. i have to go home. i have to go to sheridan."
i walked into my room. my pants completely torn. got undressed to go to bed and noticed bruises and scars all around my inner thighs and my crotch. black, blue, purple, and red. scrapes, gashes, blood. i have no idea what happened. this is the first blackout experience ive had from drinking. i know i should stop. as soon as i can.
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[14 Aug 2006|01:21am] |
"There has to be a closer country where love can live near me
I've got to find it because right now, I'm not seeing clearly
There is someone knocking on my door
No one lives here anymore
Don't I know you?
You've got to believe me
We met yesterday
Don't I know you?
I don't believe this bar is closing sir
Don't I know you? ( I guess I never did)
Ive got to get out
ive got to get out,
I dont live here anymore!
Is there a place that we can go to teach the children not to grow?
Where lovers don't remember where they met and heartbreak is easy to forget?"
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| fuck |
[13 Aug 2006|09:58pm] |
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its been another year and this is the update. im sick. not in a runny-nose, wet rag on the forehead, blankets feeling like fire sort of way. im sick. not in an "im too tired to go out tonight," or a "maybe i can catch up on some reading," kind of way. im sick of the fucking pressure i feel in my stomach when i breathe. im sick of the sound my lungs make[the soundtrack to an outtake from an albuterol advert]. im sick of my eyes being functional voyeurs in a world i dont fucking get. i tried to give myself a black eye the other night. it didn't work. im sick of desire and lust and all the fucking guy/girl bullshit that im supposed to understand. how am i ever going to grow up?? im sick of knowing im not enough or ever will be. im sick of knowing i am too much as my fucking gut covers the view of my miniscule cock. im sick of that cock having needs that my brain and my spirit really dont want to fulfill. im sick of the feeling. im sick of phonecalls and poetic words. im sick of fucking art, for real. whatever. i need to climb things. there are alot of trees/buildings/bridges/train stations that are left unclimbed. i need to fucking start going to the beach more. i need to write better songs.
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| Hehe |
[24 Mar 2005|09:24pm] |
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I just realized that last time I posted was almost a year ago. huh.
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| First Entry//Jurgen and Teeth |
[24 Mar 2005|09:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
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| [ |
music |
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Blancmange - That's Love, That It Is |
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Well I got Jurgen today, which is a program where you can index all your records and movies and stuff like that. It's kind of a daunting task, but I really want to accomplish it. I also got this program which is why this is my first entry. I bought some records as well. My apartment is really clean right now and I like it that way. My teeth hurt though, which sucks, I don't know quite what it is but I'm just gonna keep brushing them
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| hello |
[13 Apr 2004|04:16pm] |
dear spring,
i straight up heart you. i like to dance with you. at nights i like to take walks with you. i like to listen to kid dynamite, de la soul, and large amounts of classic rock with you. you = way cute.
<3 jacoby.
XOXOXOXOXO
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[18 Mar 2004|10:05pm] |
hi meg! BLEHACOINMFUB!IBFM!
<3 jacoby.
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[12 Mar 2004|01:06am] |
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i've been listening to alot of turbonegro lately.
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| mega! |
[08 Mar 2004|11:17pm] |
umm so yeah. i havent updated in forever. school is going really well, and my job is just hilarious. ive been super into comic books lately, cause im a fuckin nerd. joe stayed up here this weekend, that was cool. yeah. i got the why? cd and the one21 album. punk rock spring mother fucker! i also got the fatlip cd, so amazing.
<3 jacoby
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[07 Feb 2004|01:05am] |
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music |
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blood brothers - under pressure (queen cover) |
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i love this fucking song so much. i dont care for the blood brothers all that much, but this is an amazing cover.
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[25 Jan 2004|02:16pm] |
recommend to me:
1. a movie.
2. a book.
3. a musical artist, song, or album.
4. a livejournal user not on my friends list.
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[25 Jan 2004|01:17am] |
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"My mind is a machine gun, my body the bullets, and the target is the audience." - G.G. Allin
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| 3 |
[21 Jan 2004|11:08pm] |
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | girls
02 | nu-metal
03 | balloon porn
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | my friends
02 | hip hop
03 | japan
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | dirty dishes
02 | having a small penis
03 | rip off mac and cheese
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | people who like the matrix
02 | girls
03 | girls
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | charles bronson sticker
02 | high energy high voltage comp
03 | my watch
THREE SONGS YOU LOVE:
01 | break down! - be for u
02 | the egg and i - yoko kanno
03 | suicide bomb - nonphixion
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | listening to nonphixion
02 | working on the jobberwocky site
03 | talking to pete
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | live in tokyo
02 | start a label
03 | record the next big thing
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | fuck shit up
02 | make fat beats
03 | "dance"
THREE THINGS I HATE ABOUT MYSELF:
01 | im kinda fat
02 | i dont have a girlfriend
03 | i get headaches easily
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | loving
02 | hip
03 | goofy
THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD DO:
01 | a track with ill bill
02 | see the frodus/refused tour
03 | book a show around here
THREE THINGS YOU DO DAILY:
01 | make beats
02 | listen to music
03 | eat
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY LOOKS:
01 | huge fuckin glasses
02 | chubby
03 | cute =)
THREE THINGS I LOVE TO WEAR:
01 | my dunks
02 | sweatshirts
03 | glasses
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | play ddr
02 | breakdance
03 | speak japanese
THREE BANDS/ARTISTS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | brob
02 | pretentious assholes
03 | the seatbelts
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | burritos
02 | popsicles
03 | those biscuits at red lobster
THREE THINGS I WORRY ABOUT:
01 | girls
02 | my friends
03 | death
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | how to speak japanese
02 | how to play drums really fuckin good
03 | how to read music
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | horchata
02 | orang juice
03 | coffee
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | g.i. joe
02 | saved by the bell
03 | the simpsons
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES:
01 | the adventures of sebastian cole
02 | deconstructing harry
03 | metropolis (anime)
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[09 Jan 2004|09:35pm] |
1) Using band names, spell out your name.
Jedi Mind Tricks
Assuck
Charles Bronson
Oddjobs
Bucket Full of Teeth
Yak Ballz
Youth of Today
Orchid
Ulcer
Nagant 1895
Gerogerigegege
2) Have you ever had a song written about you? Yeah
3) What song makes you cry? I ain't no pussy.
4) What song makes you happy? Such Great Heights - The Postal Service
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? Yoko Kanno, Don Caballero
6) Name a song by Coal Chamber? uhhh...
7) Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger? Gene Simmons. When I had to sit in church, I used to imagine kiss coming through the roof and rocking the fuck out.
8) First album you ever bought? Destroyer - Kiss
9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why? Girl U Want - Devo. Sarah.
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